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It's a cruel world at the moment.
In 2016 I started a new job, at the end of 2016 I lost my job.
Now I feel destroyed and as though I am being pulled apart from the inside.
My body is filled with anxiety all the time. I break down crying a lot.
In front of people I pretend I'm alright because why should they worry about me? They had as bad of a year as I did with close relationships failing and by being screwed over by the system of so called life.
Would it be easier if I just ended it? For me it would but by doing that I would leave my love alone and broken, my mother and siblings in perpetual grief and anger.
I hang on only by a thread most days, but I am still hanging on.
I have stopped drawing and designing all together now, the colours and spark of imagination missing from my body.
I feel cold and sad and alone most days but I still hang on.
It can get better. I hope it gets better.
I tried seeing doctors but the medication makes it worse.
I tried talking to people but they ignore it or say "stop thinking like that and just think of it this way" or "you'll get over it".
I wish I could control the dark thoughts that creep into my mind, the cold loneliness that they bring.
I know I'm going through a 'rough patch'. I know it will all pass over but how long do I have to struggle and fight through it?
Will it really be worth it in the end?
In 2016 I started a new job, at the end of 2016 I lost my job.
Now I feel destroyed and as though I am being pulled apart from the inside.
My body is filled with anxiety all the time. I break down crying a lot.
In front of people I pretend I'm alright because why should they worry about me? They had as bad of a year as I did with close relationships failing and by being screwed over by the system of so called life.
Would it be easier if I just ended it? For me it would but by doing that I would leave my love alone and broken, my mother and siblings in perpetual grief and anger.
I hang on only by a thread most days, but I am still hanging on.
I have stopped drawing and designing all together now, the colours and spark of imagination missing from my body.
I feel cold and sad and alone most days but I still hang on.
It can get better. I hope it gets better.
I tried seeing doctors but the medication makes it worse.
I tried talking to people but they ignore it or say "stop thinking like that and just think of it this way" or "you'll get over it".
I wish I could control the dark thoughts that creep into my mind, the cold loneliness that they bring.
I know I'm going through a 'rough patch'. I know it will all pass over but how long do I have to struggle and fight through it?
Will it really be worth it in the end?
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It's been a while...
2 min read
It sure has been a while since I have been on dA......hmmm what has happened with me in the past year?
I adopted Moxxii,
I went to QLD for a trip,
I got a new boss at work who is just awesome!!
I still have the same job working with children,
I sprained my ankle (trying to sign up to the gym. THE IRONY!!!!)
I have started painting again. Still not as much as I used to but better than none at all right?
Hmmmm what else?.........
I finally got the strength to see a doctor and get antidepressants for my depression. It got soo bad I broke down at work and could not function properly for a week until the meds kicked in.
I am still with Dylan and we have gone through a lot of thick and thin and I mean A LOT!! This November we will have been together for 4 years and we have done a lot of crazy stuff together!!
I have been catching up with mates lately, you know doing the whole social thing, because Dylan and I made a deal that every weekend for at least a couple of hours (about 4-5hrs) we have to spend time apart because when he went to Bendigo for 2weeks I thought I was going to have a heart attack from the separation anxiety. Turns out he felt the same so we decided that we can still dedicate after work and sundays as our together time but Saturdays is separation day.
Oh well that's all I can think of that's happened lately that's major in my life.
Got any q's give us a buzz
<3 ya hope to upload more pics soon!
I adopted Moxxii,
I went to QLD for a trip,
I got a new boss at work who is just awesome!!
I still have the same job working with children,
I sprained my ankle (trying to sign up to the gym. THE IRONY!!!!)
I have started painting again. Still not as much as I used to but better than none at all right?
Hmmmm what else?.........
I finally got the strength to see a doctor and get antidepressants for my depression. It got soo bad I broke down at work and could not function properly for a week until the meds kicked in.
I am still with Dylan and we have gone through a lot of thick and thin and I mean A LOT!! This November we will have been together for 4 years and we have done a lot of crazy stuff together!!
I have been catching up with mates lately, you know doing the whole social thing, because Dylan and I made a deal that every weekend for at least a couple of hours (about 4-5hrs) we have to spend time apart because when he went to Bendigo for 2weeks I thought I was going to have a heart attack from the separation anxiety. Turns out he felt the same so we decided that we can still dedicate after work and sundays as our together time but Saturdays is separation day.
Oh well that's all I can think of that's happened lately that's major in my life.
Got any q's give us a buzz
<3 ya hope to upload more pics soon!
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I have been on my phone
1 min read
When I have been looking at DA and fav-ing peoples art and talking to them I have been on my phone and haven't figured out how to do journals on it yet. It is good fun actually having everything on my phone and not have to pull out my damn laptop every single time I need the internet or to do something other then text or call people.
I have a pretty action packed week this week. I need to find a nice dress in Darwin for a wedding on Saturday :/ on Friday I have work then i gotta go to a dinner or something at my old primary school then going out clubbing with a gorgeous girl from Melbourne who last time when she was up she wasn't over 18....but now she is! Then on Saturday its the wedding and then on Sunday, PAINTBALL!!!! Good fun but I hope next week isn't as action packed!
Love ya guys and you probably won't see ANY art from me for like the rest of the year or whatever.
Catchya's! xoxo
I have a pretty action packed week this week. I need to find a nice dress in Darwin for a wedding on Saturday :/ on Friday I have work then i gotta go to a dinner or something at my old primary school then going out clubbing with a gorgeous girl from Melbourne who last time when she was up she wasn't over 18....but now she is! Then on Saturday its the wedding and then on Sunday, PAINTBALL!!!! Good fun but I hope next week isn't as action packed!
Love ya guys and you probably won't see ANY art from me for like the rest of the year or whatever.
Catchya's! xoxo
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Devious Journal Entry
1 min read
I am in Queensland!!! It soo nice and cold!!! Loving it!!
Tomorrow we are picking up my handsome man, Dylan XOXOXOX then going to the Lone Pine Koala Sanctuary XD
Gonna be epic holiday. Upload photo's went I get back XD
Tomorrow we are picking up my handsome man, Dylan XOXOXOX then going to the Lone Pine Koala Sanctuary XD
Gonna be epic holiday. Upload photo's went I get back XD
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Wow haven't been here for a while :/
1 min read
Hey guys I'm gonna try be online at least once a week (if I can).
Most of the time it'll be just to check any messages but yeah. sorry guys T.T
I'm hoping to catch up with EVERYONE atleast every SUNDAY!!
Love you guys xxx keep safe, keep healthy, and keep happy XD
Most of the time it'll be just to check any messages but yeah. sorry guys T.T
I'm hoping to catch up with EVERYONE atleast every SUNDAY!!
Love you guys xxx keep safe, keep healthy, and keep happy XD
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